What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
