I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
