btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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