I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
