Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
