When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
