I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
