as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
