I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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