I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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