tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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