Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
