Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
