Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
