it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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