plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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