u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
