I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
