I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
