Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
