dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
did i walk over a car last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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