i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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