i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
