So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
