sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
