It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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