doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
