fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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