Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
