Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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