and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
