I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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