could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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