The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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