he puts the penis in happiness.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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