I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize