how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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