the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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