sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
