this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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