there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
