That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
