I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
