piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
