Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize