i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
