I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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