I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
