the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sober January is a disaster.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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