I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
