im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
