I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
