idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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