Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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