the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
