I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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