Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
