I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
