tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
