walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
