areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
