its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
