I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Semen is not good for contacts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
