This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
