I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
