I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
