I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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