Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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