I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
