I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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