Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
