Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
