Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
