This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
