I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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