dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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